Conversations with Myself

A day before Zee went to Kindergarten, I slept very late. I kept on turning and tossing waiting for the sun to come out so I can see the day when Zee goes to school for the first time. And guess what?. I over slept, ha. I woke up an hour later than my normal wake-up time. I quickly got ready and prepared the kids. Zee was excited. She kept on saying ‘go kool’. Meaning I am going to school. She repeated the words many times.

It is very neat to watch Muli interacting with her little sister. She is a best listener, friend and defender to her little sister.  Muli was showing her how to use wipes for her hands at school how to use a hand sanitizer.  Hallo Cape Town draught!.  She was also  begging us to let her take Zee to school. Ha!

Her school is 2min drive from our house. When we entered into her classroom, she looked surprised seeing so many toddlers in one room (about 6 kids where in the room). I saw excitement and anticipation in her eyes and that made me feel at ease. As soon as her class teacher took her from me she screamed. I said” scream” because it was not the Zee cry that I know. You know the one that piece my heart. It was a shallow one, lol. When we left she was still crying but I knew without a doubt that she is going to stop crying in a short while.

It was difficult to concentrate at work with the thought of her in my mind. I was thinking that I have sent her to a place where I was trust that she will be safe, learning and growing daily it it. I realised I might not be there the first time she counts numbers or name colours and shapes. Even worse, is that I wont be able to drop her to school because I do not want her to wake up too early.  I have a very kind lady who will help me with dropping off.  I know that she will do a good job.  But why is it not easy to trust someone with your baby or to let someone else watch your baby grow?.

There was a moment when she fell at school. I was there to hold her and tell her it is all fine. I also realised that she will have moments like these and I will not be there for her. I can only pray that she finds kind and loving friends to hold her in my absence. It is not easy for a Mom to not shed a tear when she thinks of these things. It is difficult to fully trust someone with your child.

I received a call from Cullo letting me know that he called the school and they said Zee is doing very well. They also confirmed that she did not cry for long after we left.  She ate her meals and took a nap. They said she adjusted very well and that made me feel better.

Take care,
Nez