Conversations with Myself

Its been 2 month since we have welcomed Zee in our family.  She got us all wrapped around her tiny finger.  We love her and its just sweet seeing her smiling back at us now.

My mother came to help and she stayed with us for first 3 weeks.  I am so thankful.  Cullo took a one week off work  too, the week the baby arrives.  He again took two more weeks once Mama left.  I had a lot of support in those critical weeks.

I had to wake up every time to feed and no one can help there ha!.  With Muli  we were topping up with formula. So I could sleep for about two hours while Cullo is up feeding her.  With Zee I could only sleep for an hour max before she wants to eat.  It is exhausting.  The good thing is that I only had to look after the baby.  My mom and Cullo were doing all the cooking for me.  Yaaay!  Why cant it be like that forever?.

I did not need to worry about Muli either because she was at school, except weekends.  When she comes from school she will want to cuddle and kiss her baby sister.

I remember being at one of Muli’s friend birthday party.  My baby bump was showing.  You know how people like preggie moms.  I sat with a group of ladies talking mommies staff. Babies and all.  A couple of ladies recommended that I watch devious maids and other series before the baby comes.  They said once the baby comes, I will have no time to do anything.

Because I was going for baby no.2, I knew exactly what they were talking about.  Their recommendations served as a valid reminder.  I watched all three seasons of Devious maids in the last month of my pregnancy.  Now I have not even started 4th season.

I must quickly say in all woes of adjusting to a life with a new baby, second time around is not too bad.

This is not to say the baby cries less second time around or no breastfeeding  challenges second time around or you get energised by sleepless nights (WHO DOES?).

Second time around I am not overwhelmed.

The other morning after sleeping for only four hours (waking up in between),  I had two kids alone for the very first time.  I had to prepare Muli to go to school.  When I was about to leave, I realised I forgot my car key in Cullo’s car.  Really! Now, we had to walk to school.  The school is few blocks away from our house.  It was cold outside.  Muli refused  to wear a big jacket, because “it is not a school uniform”.   Even when I told her she will take it off once she get to her class. I felt like one more layer will keep her warmer.  Zee woke up the same time Muli makes this  tantrum.  I had to also prepare a stroller for Zee.  Even with all of this I was OK, i was NOT OVERWHELMED.

Then there is the most shared advise “nap when she naps”.  This is so true.  First time around I thought baby nap time = mommy’s time to tidy up or just do something.  I was wrong.  Second time around I take a nap when she naps but I only take one nap.  I don’t know about you, but I cannot take several naps a day like a baby.  One 30min to an hour nap is enough to energise me.

There is one thing that challenged me the most in the first few weeks with Zee.

I could not stomach the thought of Muli needing me, and me not being able to attend to her.  Muli will want to show me something (she always, always want to show me or tell me something) and Zee will be crying for some reason.  My heart get broken into pieces having to ask Muli to wait , and wait again when she asks second time.  That contributed to my exhaustion because when Zee sleeps I will want to cuddle and play with Muli.  Mommy guilt, can you relate?.

I am still not doing good at that one.  I wonder if I will ever get a balance or that i should accept that it is a life of mommy with two or more kids.  Time will tell.  For now Its better when Cullo is around because I can easily pass Zee to him and attend to Muli or vice-versa.

The baby blues get better after few weeks.  Today she just turned two months and as I’m typing this, Zee is sweetly playing next to me.  So it does get better.

Take care,
Nez